Thursday 28th January 2016 - Happy Valley Races

Based on my track record of consistent loss, one would think that a win at Happy Valley race course was … well, deserved.

Apparently not.

I blame the stupid forms. The damn boxes are just too close together (particularly after six pints of beer). It was all celebrations when my darling pony trotted over the finish line in second position. I'd practically put a deposit down on a Central penthouse. But then the little woman at the counter rained on my parade, dashed my dreams and broke my heart all at once by revealing I’d accidentally ticked the win box.

Unfortunately, trying to convince her that I had meant to select ‘place’, and so actually had won some money didn’t work. Cold-hearted woman.

So, after shrieking about my win and plastering my success across social media (see below photograph of me biting the ‘winning’ ticket), I had to return, with my tail between my legs, and sulk over beer number 7.

It turns out losing is even more disheartening when you’ve convinced yourself, and everyone around you, that you’ve finally won your millions.

I’m still hopeful though.